From: Gooch McCracken
Category: Amis
Date: 8/25/99
Time: 12:19:30 PM
Remote Name: 129.219.247.118
And happy birthday to Sean Connery! (Eat shit and die, Roger Moore!) And happy birthday to Elvis Costello! (Can you say that he's too old when the angels have stolen his red arch-supports?) And happy birthday to Billy Ray Cyrus & his achy breaky mullet! And happy birthday to TV personality Regis Philbin! (Not to be confused with Philboyd Studge.) And happy birthday to Kel Mitchell! (Who the fuck is Kel Mitchell?) And happy birthday to Leonard Bernstein, a demi-god who wet-farted The Music Of The Spheres on a daily basis! (Hey Lenny---give my regards to Truman Capote in The Third Circle Of Obnoxoid Hell.) And happy birthday to Clara Bow, the "It" girl! And happy birthday to Rollie Fingers, that incredibly boring pitcher for the Oakland A's! And happy birthday to actor Van Johnson! (And a belated happy birthday to actor Van Heflin while I'm at it!) And happy birthday to George Wallace, the legendary former White Trash Governor of Alabama! And happy birthday to the multi-talented triple-threat Ruby Keeler! (She can act! She can dance! And she can fart musically!) And happy birthday to Blair Underwood, Michael Rennie, Anne Archer, Gene Simmons, Mel Ferrer, Tom Skerritt, John Savage, & Shania Twain! (Just who the fuck ARE these people anyway?)