From: Floyd Scarabelli
Category: Amis
Date: 8/18/99
Time: 10:09:15 PM
Remote Name: 129.219.247.97
Memo to Jonesy: I know thee well. A serviceable villain. As duteous to the vices of Mistress Jules as badness would desire. Please henceforth refrain from putting my name in quotation marks. I don't dig it. It's the grammatical equivalent of putting on gloves in order to dispose of a dead rat. If you quotationize my name again, I'll have no choice but to program my Truman Capote android to straddle you and engage you in a long wet necking session.
Mike Hoolihan's reason for switching to the third person is simply to engage in humoristical pseudo-pomposity. Julius Caesar routinely referred to himself in the third person. (Although Julius was a genuine stuffed-shirt dipshit.) Robert "Bob" Dole is another politician who refers to himself in the third person. Dole is the shameless electrified corpse who lost the 1996 American presidential election and then went on television to confess his "erectile disfunction" for the purpose of plugging a penis-stiffenization drug called Viagra. What a guy. Amis said that Americans are unembarrassable, and Dole takes the cake.
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*DICKENS EXPLAINS MR. THIRD PERSON* / BY LEAH GARCHIK / [FROM *THE SAN FRANCISCO CHRONICLE*. JULY 11, 1996.]
Pondering the mystery of why Bob Dole likes to refer to himself in the third person, reader Douglas Rigg of Berkeley turned to Charles Dickens' *Mystery of Edwin Drood*, wherein resides a character named Durdles. "He often speaks of himself in the third person", writes Dickens, "perhaps being a little misty as to his own identity when he narrates." Dickens describes Durdles as a stonemason, "chiefly in the gravestone, tomb and monument way, and wholly of their color from head to foot."