From: Gooch
Category: Other
Date: 7/8/99
Time: 6:30:51 PM
Remote Name: 129.219.247.97
After many rewarding years of cleaning toilets on the nightshift, my profoundest discovery was the fact that women's toilets are always cleaner than men's toilets. In regard to both poo-poo stains and wee-wee stains. Arco stations and Mobil On-the-Run stations feature a single unisex bathroom. I can dig that. But what I cannot dig are defecators who disgrace the oché. I'm referring specifically to a certain special pooper who used to leave smeared shit-stains on the bathroom floor. His behavior remains a mystery to me. This guy was a friendly clean-cut person. But he insisted on leaving a crappadelic mess. And after mopping up his feces 2 or 3 times, I chose to ban his ass from the bathroom. I suspect that The Mad Crapper might have been fecal-erotic. And that the shit-stains were his way of sending me a valentine. Or maybe it was simple anal-aggression.
Let me make one thing perfectly clear: I don't use toilet paper at my house. Because I always take a shower after I take a flop. The only time I use toilet paper is when I use a public toilet. And if there's anything that truly perturbs me, it's having to engage in a 20-minute wiping session. Which is why I advocate the installation of shower stalls in public bathrooms. The installation of shower stalls in public bathrooms would completely eliminate the need for toilet paper. Think about it. Fathom the concept: No more poo-paper. Just plenty of hot water for all asses everywhere. Regardless of your race, your religion, or your creed. A furious devout drenching for all mankind. A Texaco Restroom of Dreams. BUILD THE STALLS AND THEY WILL COME. To wash instead of wipe. To triple their cleanliness in half the time it takes to wipe. To turn the tap and partake of the Godhead. And to perceive that you're really only very small and shit goes on within you and without you. Ommmmmmmmm.....